The Movie Goat Reviews: Inglourious Basterds

av-phil.jpgQuentin Tarantino is one of those directors you either love or hate.  From his humble beginning with Reservoir Dogs, Tarantino went on an impressive winning streak with Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, and Kill Bill, a movie that was so Tarantino that he had to split it up into two.  Seventeen years and a boatload of awards (mostly for Pulp Fiction) later, we have Inglourious Basterds, a fiction piece based loosely on World War II and headlined by Brad Pitt and Chris Waltz.

Now, for those of you not familiar with the video game industry, I should make clear right now that World War II is a little bit played out at the moment.  Video games need antagonists even more than movies do, and around 1992, it became abundantly clear that the one thing you could be sure no one would object to shooting at was Nazis.  The alternative was to go the mutant/monster route, or, for slightly more historical accuracy, dinosaurs.  The upshot is, that when you look at the entertainment industry as a whole, the vast majority of war movies are based on World War II, simply because there is almost nothing to worry about in the political correctness department.  Hitler = Villain, Nazis = Evil, and German is a language so coarse that it could make Goofy sound like he’s up to something nefarious.

inglourious-basterds-poster

Now playing in theaters near you

All of this should make Basterds seem unoriginal, but (probably thanks to Tarantino), it doesn’t.  At two hours and thirty minutes, it does seem a bit long, but following a bit of a slow start (Tarantino gets most of his Tarantino out of the way early), the movie holds the viewer’s attention very well all the way through the final climactic scene.  All the performances are great, especially Pitt and Waltz, the latter one flipping seamlessly from English to French to German to Italian and back again.

Which reminds me.  Have you ever sat in a movie set in a foreign country and wondered why everyone is speaking English?  I’m not talking about dubbing (which is itself pretty terrible) but, say, a Bond movie, or any of  the Disney films, where you wonder why these African/Italian/Native Americans seem to have somehow studied at Princeton?  The popular argument is it’s easier that way, but screw that, if I’m watching a story, I want to see it the way it would have actually gone down, and that includes all the linguistic dynamics and misunderstandings that come with it.  Basterds does just that.  It’s a movie almost completely set in Nazi-occupied France during World War II, where the French speak French, the Nazis speak German (and some French when talking to the French) and the Americans and British speak English.  Does it mean we have to read?  Sure, but it’s worth it, trust me.

Bottom Line: If you can stomach a little bit of Quentin’s nonsense to start, and don’t mind the length, this movie is definitely worth your $8.  It’s not better than Pulp Fiction, but in its defense, Tarantino set the bar a little high with that one.

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Monday Morning Goat: August 31

Bill Gore

Politico.com: "Al Gore and Bill Clinton are increasingly showing up as Obama goes through his first real trials in office."

kevatarMARKET (8/28/09): Bloomberg’s U.S. Markets WrapS&P 1,028.93–DOW 9,544.20–NASDAQ 2,028.77–Gold 958.80–Oil $72.86–1 EUR= $1.4302

HEADLINES: Stocks brace for September, U.S. sees profit from bailout, Lockerbie bomber ‘set free for oil’, Clinton and Gore reunite in Tennessee, DJ AM found dead from overdose, ‘Today’ show hires Jenna Bush, Commercial real estate lurks as next potential mortgage crisis, Sarah Palin making first trip to Asia in September, Experts see double-digit Dem losses, Pictures of Tom Delay DWTS

10-DAY FORECAST:  NYCPhillyBaltimoreD.C.BostonChicagoDetroitL.A.

MLB: White Sox/Yankees 3-8, Mets/Cubs 4-1, Braves/Phillies 2-3

NFL WEEK 1: September 13:  NYJ @ HOU 1:00 p.m. CBS, PHI @ CAR 1:00 p.m. FOX, WAS @ NYG 4:15 p.m. FOX

BOX OFFICE: 1) The Final Destination $28.3M, 2) Inglorious Basterds $20.0M, 3) Halloween II $17.4M

FROM WSJ.com Opinion: The Absent-Minded Chairman: Charlie Rangel wins the personal lottery.

rangel

Rep. Rangel

When normal people happen to “find” their own money, it might mean a twenty left in a winter coat, or discovering change beneath the sofa cushions. But if you’re Charlie Rangel, it means doubling your net worth.

Earlier this month the Chairman of the tax-writing Ways and Means Committee “amended” his 2007 financial disclosure form—to the tune of more than a half-million dollars in previously unreported assets and income. That number may be as high as $780,000, because Congress’s ethics rules only require the Members to report their finances within broad ranges. This voyage of personal financial discovery brings Mr. Rangel’s net worth for 2007 to somewhere between $1.028 million and $2.495 million, while his previous statement came in at $516,015 and $1.316 million. (Read rest here.)

MONDAY MORNING INSPIRATION (via Al Pacino):

POLITICO.com One-liners: “Oh, wow. I meant Ambien. Not Cialis.” –Rep. Gene Taylor, confusing his medications when discussing the differences between generic and brand medications (via The Hill). (Read more Politi-quotes here)

PICTURES: MSNBC’s The Week in Pictures includes the picture below with the following caption: “Seeing RedA man slides on a tomatoes-covered ground as he celebrates the Tomatina feast, or “tomato fight,” in Bunol, Spain, on Aug. 26. Some 40,000 people take part in the event, throwing 242,000 pounds of tomatoes during one hour. The traditional festival has been held for 64 years.”

Seeing Red

 LISTEN: Jay Sean feat. Lil Wayne, “Down” (4:02)– Pink, “Funhouse” (3:07)

1969: The Beatles, Don’t Let Me Down (3:17)

FROM REUTERS: Capitalism the villain as Moore movie hits Venice
LONDON (Reuters) – The Venice film festival has capitalism in its sights this year, with premieres of Michael Moore’s documentary on the U.S. economic meltdown and a drama starring Matt Damon as a corrupt corporate whistleblower. (Read rest here)

CHENEY ON FOX NEWS SUNDAY (8/30/09):

FROM FORTUNE.com: Mac vs. PC: Inside the ad wars

Every Wednesday, Lee Clow, creative director of Apple’s ad agency TBWA/Chiat/Day, flies from Los Angeles to Cupertino to meet with Steve Jobs, a weekly get-together that’s been going on for years.

Meanwhile, in Redmond, Wash., Steve Ballmer barges into the office of Mich Mathews, head of Microsoft’s central marketing group, giving her high fives and shouting again and again “I’m a PC!” (Read rest here)

Music Goat: Simian Mobile Disco, Jet, Paramore, Pearl Jam

kevatar1) Simian Mobile Disco, “Audacity of Huge” (or “I Believe”)

2) Jet, “She’s a Genius”

3) Paramore, “Ignorance”

4) Pearl Jam, “Speed of Sound”

Simian Mobile Disco

Simian Mobile Disco

Join in the Search

av-phil.jpgNormally I wouldn’t do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  Bloggin’ (like pimpin’) ain’t easy.  We all know this.  I concede, too, that your life is probably pretty busy these days with your job, various weddings and bachelorette parties, and all the planning for your own eventual wedding covering your calendar with text so dense you’d think it was a Harry Potter book.

But come on, Norak.  This isn’t new, your schedule has been messed up for years now and you’ve always managed to squeeze in a little goat love.

(giggity)

So it is with a heavy heart, Norak, that I call you out on your lack of posting.  We all know that while Kevo can deliver his weekly biweekly Monday-morning goat feature and the occasional politically-charged youtube clip, and I will chime in with some sports thing or movie review from time to time, only you can troll Perez Hilton and the E! network to give the internet exactly what it needs: more celebrity gossip.

It has been

Countup-21Days since Norak last posted to her own blog.

You know I mean it when I photoshop something for it.

You know I mean it when I photoshop something for it.

Come back, pendejo.  We miss you.

The KFC Double-Down Sandwich

av-phil.jpgSpeaking of fat

When it comes to writing about extremely unhealthy sandwiches, this ain’t my first rodeo, but this sandwich might take the cake.  Indeed, following this sandwich with a big wedge of cake just might be enough lard in one sitting to give your friends a heart attack.  (Thanks to foodgeekery.com for the link and details, and thanks to a certain New Jerseyan Puto for the tip-off).

The Double-D

The Double-D

What you are looking at is available at some KFCs.  I would venture a guess that most KFCs have not heard of this thing, but there are a number of reports popping up on the internet, including a very convincing TV ad.  To make one, take two slices of bacon, a slice of swiss cheese, a slice of pepper jack cheese, and stack all those on top of a fried chicken fillet.  Then, spread a second fillet with “Colonel’s Sauce” and slap that sucker (sauce down) on top of the rest of the mess.

I haven’t had one.  I haven’t even seen one.  But I’m pretty sure I want one.

Barney Frank Doing What He Does Best

Washington Nationals Sign Stephe-Holy Shit Brett Favre is Back

av-phil.jpgDeep in negotiations that went down to the wire, the Washington Nationals, the Major League baseball team closest to laughingstock status, hammered out a record deal with newly-drafted rookie Stephen Strasburg.  The deal is – holy shit.  Wait up a second.  No one cares about that, look at this! Brett Favre, the former quarterback of the Green Bay Packers, future hall of famer, has once again announced his unretirement from football!  Shit!  Stop all the presses, I mean all of them.  Call up the Wall Street Journal.  Their presses are stopped too?  Good.  Keep them that way.  We need to get all over this Favre stuff and quick!  Someone get me a coffee!

Strasburg has been called the most significant rookie prospect in recent memory, and signed a deal worth over $15 million, by far the most paid to a player who has yet to play professional baseball.  With a fastball occasionally topping 100mph and expected to get even faster, Strasburg is – what the hell are you doing?  No one cares about the Nationals.  People barely care about baseball.  I have a riddle for you.  What has five letters and is going to get you fired if you don’t start writing about it?  Give up?  FAVRE!  We need comments, like, yesterday.  I want comments from his mother, his father, kids, cousins…Vikings organization, Packers organization, Jets organization….Falcons organization…back office, front office, if they have a desk, I want their comment on this Favre development.  Holy crap, SportsCenter is already weighing in.  They broke into their coverage with this story?  Bastards.  We need to hurry up on this, maybe we can still break it on the west coast…or China…someone find me a translator!

The Nationals, who despite their poor record have one of baseball’s better offenses, seem intent on changing the direction of their organization (currently set at “plummet”).  Last month, they fired head coach Manny Acta and appointed former bench coach Jim Riggleman to the interim post while they search for a new one.  The Nationals put together a pitiful 158-252 record under Acta.  In the press conference Monday, Strasburg said – hey!  cut that out, what are you doing?  Why is your browser on MLB.com?  It’s unlikely that there’s any Favre coverage on there!  Unless…my God…is he throwing out the first pitch at a Twins game or something?  Where’s my photoshop guy?  I need pictures of Favre’s head in a Vikings jersey, stat.  And when I say stat, I mean we also need all of his stats from his previous games against the Vikings.  Were they his nemesis?  Can we say they were?  How about some kind of Darth Vader thing, with Favre “falling to the dark side?”  Tell you what, throw the Favre head up there, on the Vikings jersey, be sure it’s a number 4.  Then, over half his head, Darth Vader mask.  Man, I’m a genius.  Look, look – Sportscenter coming on on the west coast now.  Shit!  They’re leading with it!  Where’s that coffee?  Where’s my photoshop picture?  What’s this?  Do I look like I asked for decaf?  We’re going to need 24 hour coverage on this.  Call my wife and tell her our anniversary is cancelled.

A hastily-photoshopped look at what Favre would look like playing for the Washington Nationals.

A hastily-photoshopped look at what Brett Favre would look like playing for the Washington Nationals.

With apologies to the Onion, I ripped off this style from one of their Obama pieces back in November.